maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
