I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
