Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize