if i can run in heels then i can drive
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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