Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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