but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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