i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
