the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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