they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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