Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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