I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's the barista slut.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize