I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
