hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
