He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
