i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
