people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
