so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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