maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
