I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
