Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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