a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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