CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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