Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
