i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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