The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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