My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
