There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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