my vag is so smooth its legendary
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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