How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
