just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
