a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
