There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
