Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
