I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
