he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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