i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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