I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
