Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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