The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The air was thick with penises
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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