Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
