My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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