mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
