I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The beer is more important than you right now.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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