he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
