You can't special order awesome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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