you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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