My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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