Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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