I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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