so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
