Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
