my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
