I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a blind-side dick pic.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
