Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got chris browned last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
