sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
