Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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