My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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