I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
