Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
