Me too!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
