Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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