3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
