you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
