youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
