Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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