yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
