I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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