So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
