i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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