I wish I could punch you in the face.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize