I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
