guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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