I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my liver is dry heaving
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
