nut hugger
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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