new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
