i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I cut my penus on the lid.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
