Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
