I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
