Your tits are I can't wait for
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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