the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
