He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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