We won't sleep together?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
