her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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