i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
